I Ate A Whole Slice Of Pizza While Deciding Which Beer To Drink

Josh Augustine, October 28, 2013

It just… it just happened so fast! It was there and then it was gone before I realized what was happening. Yes sir, I understand, I’ll try to recount the details as specifically as possible.

I guess it started when I finished my first beer. What was it? Oh, I don’t know. Something from Schlafly, I think. Maybe Deschutes Chainbreaker. It’s not really important. What? Oh, no, I know, I know, but… Okay, okay. Yeah, now that I think about it I’m pretty sure it was a Deschutes Chainbreaker. Yeah, yeah, it was fine. No, really! It was good. Anyway, I took the empty glass and rinsed it out and set it on the counter. No, no, not the counter by the sink, the one right next to the fridge. In front of the crock pot. Yeah. So I open the fridge and that’s when things get weird.

I open the fridge and see this leftover pizza. I hadn’t had dinner just yet, so, y’know, I just unwrapped that pizza and grabbed a slice. I’ll never forget that part. It had green peppers and onions and sausage and all sorts of good stuff on there. I took a bite and shut the refrigerator door. Yeah! I shut it! I’m positive! No, I didn’t put the pizza on a plate or anything, honest! Didn’t even put it in the microwave to heat it up! So I took a couple bites and grabbed the glass to wash it down with a swig of beer and that’s when I remembered that I actually had gone to the fridge to get another beer. I wasn't even looking to have any pizza at first! So I open the fridge again! No foolin’! And that’s when things get fuzzy.

I’ve got a pretty good amount of beer in the fridge you see, all sorts of different ones, and I was trying to decide which one to grab. But all the while, without even thinking about it, without even realizing what I was doing, I was just chowing down on this slice of pizza. I don’t even know what came over me! It was like I was possessed with some sort of demon or an animal like a big dog or something, just bite after bite. Should I drink this beer? Take a bite. Or should I drink that beer? Take a bite. Yeah! YEAH! I know it sounds crazy! You think I don’t know it sounds crazy! It’s downright nuts! But that’s what happened, I swear!

So after some looking around, and some deliberating between a bunch of different… Oh no, come on now. No, no, this is too much. You think I have any idea what I deliberated on! Like I said, I didn’t even have my wits about me! The dog thing was in control of my whole mind and probably my body too! Yeah, buddy, I got nothing there. What? Oh, come on. Okay, okay, well, I dunno, I think I had a couple different Ale Smith beers I was thinkin’ about, something from Upstream, maybe a couple of sour beers, but who knows which ones! All I can tell you is the beer that I finally grabbed was a bottle of AleSmith Speedway Stout. Yes, one hundred percent certain on that.

So I take it out of the fridge, shut the door, and set it down. I go to grab a bottle opener and realize I don’t have to set anything down in order to use it. Yeah, no kidding that’s what did it. I was thinkin’, “Hey, there was a slice of pizza in my hand just a minute ago. I should have to set it down to open this bottle, but that pizza isn’t there in my hand any more!” What do you mean, am I sure I ate it? Where else would it have gone? Listen, I know it sounds crazy, but I’m pretty sure I ate that whole slice of pizza while I picked out which beer to drink! Didn’t even realize I was doing it! Just chomped it right on down. I know how it looks, but you’ve gotta believe me! That’s the whole story, I swear. Yeah! Yeah. So you need anything else or can I go now?

Wait, what’s that? How was it? How was what? The Speedway Stout? Yeah, it was great.

AleSmith Speedway Stout

Appearance: 5. Pours thick and black with a thick, creamy, brownish head.

Smell: 4.1. Some coffee and general roastiness. Maybe just a touch of hop aroma. Definitely some alcohol.

Taste: 4.8. Getting a little but not much coffee, which for me is perfect. Lots of great roasted malt flavor and a bit of chocolatey flavor also. Just the tiniest bit of bitterness. Plenty of boozy sweetness, but not to the point of tasting hot.

Mouthfeel: 4. Pleasantly ample, not syrupy, also not quite creamy.

Overall: 4.6. An excellent beer, made me and my taste buds forget what little we remembered about that pizza in the first place.