Beer On My Shirt: Wife, Wisdom, and Winter Cheers

J. R. Shirt, January 02, 2014

While driving to the In-Laws for the holidays, I handed my phone to Wife to respond to a text message from my brother regarding a potential gift for the Child. Upon completing said texting, Wife looks over at me and says, “Isn't it interesting how your brother's generation texts versus how we text?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he texts in short bursts – like what we would send as one long text, he sends as three short ones. It's like email versus messenger. Isn't that interesting?”

It had been a rough morning, as most mornings are when we are prepping for a long drive and a day away from home. It was a morning where I could do no right. I could not shower fast enough or get dressed nice enough. I was unable to complete any meaningful tasks independently, nor did I ask what I could do to help with proper frequency.

I did, however, manage to achieve demi-god status in the field of spatial reasoning as I managed to pack the car with many things, including a potted mid-sized evergreen tree that Wife had deemed necessary to place in a box that prior to this day had only ever been transported in a professional delivery truck.

Did I mention the giant bow on top of the box?

Oh, I didn't? That's weird. What bow?

So when Wife asked, “Isn't that interesting?”, I looked her right in the eye and said, “No, that isn't interesting to me.”

Have you seen the movie Ghostbusters? Do you remember the scene when Gozer the Gozerian asks Ray if he is a God and Ray says no? And then Gozer shoots everyone with lightening bolts from her fingertips or her eyeballs, prompting the line from Winston, “Ray, if someone asks if you're a God, you say YES!”

After experiencing a similar barrage of bug-eyed lightening bolts and verbal daggers, the Winston character in my mind offered this obvious yet elusive piece of wisdom:

“If your Wife asks if something is interesting, you say YES!”

It was after this cagey self advice, while sitting in our separate towers of silence -- the ones we banish each other to after that special breed of lover's quarrel known as an “argument while traveling in a car” -- that I realized with a gasp and a swear word that I had made an egregious error.

Our gazes -- mine seeking redemption, hers seeking blood -- met somewhere over the center console.

I winced as I said, “I forgot the beer.”


Winter Cheers, Victory Brewing Company (0.28 BAR)

Appearance = 4/5

This Hefeweizen style ale pours a clear gold and bubbles like champagne in my Pilsner glass with a black horse on it. There is about a half inch of head – I thought there would be more – but the constant bubbles maintained the head for the entire glass. I enjoyed my foamy mustache.

Smell = 4/5

Winter spices like clove and coriander or lemon pepper, banana, and a Belgian yeastiness.

Taste = 3.5/5

Tastes like a punchy Hefeweizen, citrus and sweetness from the wheat happen up front and it finishes with the spices and a banana flavor – lending a Belgian Pale Ale quality. Their is a funky sweetness in the finish, which I don't mind because it overpowers the spices – I'd rather have an overabundance of fruity esters in the finish than spice, at least in this case. My burps taste exactly like oranges.

Feel = 4/5

Light to medium body, a little slick for a hefe, but bubbley and crisp even though the sweet finish takes away from some of the crispness in the end. The level of carbonation is nice and festive. Easy to drink and feels great in my mustache.

Overall = 3.75/5

Typically I'm not a fan of spiced winter seasonals, so I found this 'winterized' hefe refreshing – the light feel and carbonation being a welcome change for this time of year. The cloying fruit flavors do have me wishing for something a bit drier, like just regular Hefeweizen, but after my third glass, I'm feeling the holiday spirit and have happily accepted the sweetness of my fate.

Life is good. Happy New Year everybody.

Follow J. R. Shirt is on Twitter @beeronmyshirt. He recently tweeted a picture of perogies.