Beer On My Shirt: Four Pizzas, Two Sodas, And Temptation

J. R. Shirt, February 13, 2014

As of yesterday, my thighs have officially stopped rubbing together. Not that they ever did any serious rubbing, but I am choosing yesterday as the date to make that statement official. Adjust your date books accordingly.

I look at this accomplishment as a half-step backwards on my path to becoming a no talent, sex appeal-less, sans jump suit version of 70’s Elvis. Is ‘accomplishment’ really the right word here? It’s too early to tell.

You may be wondering, "Why yesterday as the official date?"

Yesterday, while driving, I saw two rather round college girls (I live in a college town) walking down the street. Between them was a stick-like skinny boy carrying four pizza boxes and two large bottles of Mountain Dew.

Many thoughts ran through my head.

The nostalgic: “Ah, college”

The thankful: “I’m glad my thighs don’t rub together like that” (hence the official date of my thigh rubbing declaration. The world needs to know.)

The logical: “That is not going to be enough soda.”

The nearsighted: “If I take my glasses off, this looks like a walking Venn diagram”

The perverse: “If that young man is about to become the meat in a sexual sandwich, that sandwich would be called a ‘Stromboli’.” (All dough with a little meat and cheese.)

The reactionary: “I will never eat a Stromboli ever again.”

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

The sickening: “If the big girls are housing that pizza, what’s the little guy gonna eat? Oh God...”

Now I am throwing up all over my car.

The reality: “How do I get vomit out of leather?”

The future: “That poor young man will probably have a similar concern regarding vomit and leather in his future.”

The literary: “Rabbit, Run.”

The beer writer: “How do I relate this to beer?”

Temptation, Russian River Brewing

Appearance = 4.5/5

Pale gold, poured with about an inch of white head, slightly cloudy.

Smell = 4.25/5

Grassy, white wine, and oak.

Taste = 5/5

Funky like a farmhouse ale with lemon tartness up front that finishes with a mild sourness and flavors of chardonnay, wood, and grapes. Great balance throughout. Not lip puckering sour, just consistently pleasant from start to finish. Worth every penny.

Feel = 5/5

Light to medium body, but prickly on the tongue which gives a bit more thickness. Dry but slick. 

Overall = 5/5

Mildly sour with characteristics of a farmhouse or funky Belgian ale with a great slick feel. Amazingly subtle. A wonderful beer. I've had it a few times now, and it continues to impress and live up to the hype. Might be my favorite of the Russian River sours but I also might be saying that because it is the one I've had most recently. Regardless, this is a great beer for a special occasion or to share with that special someone, or perhaps with two special someones. Whatever you are into. 

I feel like 60% of this beer review was just a double entendre for the rest of stick boy's night and I wasn't even trying. It just happened. 

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